Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Registered Nuts - Every hour in the Life connected with an ER Nurse


I've ceased with certainly one pre-shift ritual of meditating our parked truck planning a soothing piece of budget guitar. No more prayers to God that could work asking for far more patience, more humanity, a lot more understanding. I have accepted the fact it will be the same as any other night from Emergency Department, no matter pictures blare Yanni's rancid piano etudes or own promise to God to secure out my own sectors to the discharged patients as they quite simply leave. Nothing will vary. I use to look forward to making a difference about someone's life, helping meeting your goal soul whose body your student loans out. Those moments are quite few now. Instead, I resign myself that the next 12 hours generally spent pasting a fake smile on a tired body, going utilising the motions of caring, repeating ready-made lines from false concern and giving for free medical advice that drop on deaf ears. I got to feel important into my role as Charge Nurse through a major ER of an increasingly inner-city charity hospital. Recently, as I sit our truck at 6: 45 come night time, gangster rap blaring, I convey a quick impromptu reproduce to God..... "Please God, allow me the chance be gainfully employed 12 hours free. "

7: 02 PM-

I receive a trouble-free report of the clingons and show off leftovers who haven't made it out of your department by change of shift also to no surprise to myself realizing that night crew, a few names are typical too familiar and the reports from the latest "illness" easily recitable from your memory. The usual apologies the actual day crew for not receiving them out before we arrived go unnoticed. A shrill screech from quite likely the very psych beds startles no person. We all just browse from within the "safe" confines within nursing station, confirm that our overweight security force is camped out near the room, shake our heads briefly and continue on about our business. We go through the ritual of taking the entire baseline vital signs, popping two Xanax and removing sharp objects in the local pockets. Patient safety is important when we wouldn't want to accidentally stab one of them repeatedly in the breast area.

7: 17 PM-

My responsibilities aside from direct patient methods are triage. Initial interview, necessary signs, brief medical attrition rate, current medical problem, fundamental medications, height, weight and the like. My first of 35 or more fits the typical profile of this or other ER in the u . s .. 40 year old, reminders, morbidly obese, diabetic, hypertensive, variety psych meds, very the small English, less common feel secure, no means to business. She complains of the existing nausea, vomiting, diarrhea these people generalized abdominal pain. She's already spent thousands of dollars of other people's money last week for the same complaint. She didn't cover her scripts, didn't make her Gastroenterologist as requested and to never was this 300 + lb, truffle hunting leech paying a visit to alter her diet one iota with another attack of diverticulitis. Her idea of a "Clear Liquid Diet" would be a bucket of chicken and all bowl of menudo one hour prior to her advancement. So here she considers it, totally oblivious as to why she actually is still sick. Non-compliant collectively meds, non-compliant with the release instructions, follow up and diet instructions, which included a bland, low-fat, liquid diet for a few days until she was acknowledged to tolerate semi-solid/or solid fabricate.

She bitches profusely when is actually not brought straight back and put into a room, instead she is went back out to the waiting area for a lengthy wait. We are full and busy at the truly "emergent" patients but she ready fathom this. She barrels of exit door, into the waiting area calling me every name within the direction of book (in Spanish) and therefore swearing to never stay with you. "PENDEJO! ", she mutters. Kentkucky, she'll be back.

"NEXT"!

7: 31 PM-

My 3rd patient is normally 23-year-old mother of 3, bicycles oldest being 10. Arrested , before somehow mistaken our "EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT" much longer pediatric clinic and prefers her brood "checked out" simply because they feel "hot. " No temperature ever taken at home, no Tylenol or Motrin given before the decision is enabled to spend $1500. 00 from the people's money and to pay out our time babysitting 3 snot-nosed, unkempt ankle-biters who work just like more sicker than the man in the moon. I usher them one by one onto a scale for many more weights and am not surprised each and every is twice the size they must at their particular time. One, I have to pry finger foods and a "Big Gulp" as part of the obstinate little mitts prior to the weight so they won't inadvertently add 5 lbs . to his already three-way digit reading. The electronic digital scale beeps incessantly certainly not a requirement reads, "ONE AT A LITTLE TIME, PLEASE. "(Ok, not really) Of their vitals being normal they will be ushered out into the waiting area and much more eagerly pounce on the item of furniture and run around for example the defensive line for the eye Deficits.

I am verbally attacked by my weight belly pain lady, someone "been waiting for hours" (uh, if you 20 minutes). I instantly notice an area "positive Cheetos sign" on her behalf fingers and around her lips and illustrate that the sickest are seen first and win a seat. She tosses us a "Pincha Pendejo" and rumbles returning to her seat. I sneak in a quick call to God asking which he makes sure she physical appearance before she plops out of in her chair(s). Really easy to implement hear the intercom announcer equally, "CODE BLUE TRAUMA, ER WAITING ROOM. " I mentally picture the scenario on the code team spending the most up-to-date hour removing baby Julio compared to a rectum of a 300-lb vocally abusive Hispanic woman.
"NEXT"!!

9: 21 PM-

I've survived the dinner crowd inside job intact and make my way back to their treatment area to assist the rest of my team in caring for the patients who were sufficiently lucky to get make it back before non-emergent riff-raff. I make my remedy for the EMS radio station when i hear..... "Unit 842 text 2 patient report".... you will discover 102 year old Nursing Home patient,.... found unresponsive on the soil.... no IV.... she's most recently awake, combative, confused, moving in stool, incontinent of assorted urine, blah, blah, blah... " The report the actual Nursing Home prior to the actual woman's EMS transport reveals until this patient had an inclination to "dig out stool released her rectum when constipated. within . "Oh, that's just friggin lovely"

9: 31 PM-

The waiting room intercom in the least buzz...... "I beeen waiting on 10 hours, you pendejo... you an element.... " Click!

9: thirty three PM

Our lovely elderly fingers painter arrives, covered in poop from head to feet. EMS personnel smirk this is because wheel her by, updating us relating any changes en training curriculum. Nope, no changes, apart from now she's given the particular fight and is again unresponsive together breathing more shallow. In an instant her breathing stops as well as being immediately rushed to tension 1 where CPR can come in initiated. "CODE BLUE ER-1, TEXT BLUE ER-1. "

9: 57 PM-

"Time of assorted death, 9: 55" is belted by the code team leader. "She never has a chance. " "It appeared to be her time. " "She has a long and good life. " Blah Blah Blah Blah. She had a horrendous death. First crawled the beach covered in amniotic lost moisture, but certainly a proud moment for my child parents one can be certain. She died, however, moving in shit, piss these people bedsores. The Nursing Home where the woman spent her remaining a short time in agony and constant loneliness should be burned to the floor. No family, no consideration, nowhere near as extremely and proud as she had been. Left to waste in the event the understaffed workers at Our Lady the most Perpetual Petri Dish looked after their extended breaks and forestall pillaged through her valuable. A courtesy call via the Nursing Home is placed letting them know that Mrs. Mullins might coming back and has been transferred to the ECU (Eternal Involve Unit). I hear, "Whew, good think..... CLICK. "

10: 22 PM-

Our nearly always bevy of drug-seeking, the illness, depressed, suicidal, Xanax, Vicodin, Demerol hounds roll up as scheduled with deeper and varied complaints with, migraine headaches, chronic back problems, stress, anxiety, fibromyalgia, blah, blah, blah....!
They are super easy to spot, almost always educated, with the same ole' story. Most we know relating to the first name basis. All, coincidentally, allergic to so as well medications; Tylenol, Motrin, Vistaril, Toradol, Aspirin or other non narcotic or harmless placebo we've attempted to quell their "pain" with in the past. The only thing that really works is "Demerol" and they could have a large supply of Vicodin in the way of a prescription when they often leave. (Vicodin has Tylenol on the cover but apparently doesn't result in a severe allergic reaction when when combined euphoria,.... go figure! )

Security is frequently called, for to inform them "no drugs tonight" amounts to just asking for a tolerate. $1000. 00 later of other peoples money but they leave with their buzz as well as their script for Vicodin. But usually not before asking to obtain "shot for the road" and even additional scripts for nervousness (preferably Xanax) or sleep aids. 30 pills is going to be number of pills products and steroids, depending on the frequency of the prescribed dose. This usually last a few days for the typical drug seeker down the road they'll usually return most abundant in "pain" and a depriving monkey.

In the age during which Doctors are sued both ways under treating pain Or prescribing too many narcotics and "getting them addicted", we medical personal are caught up in the proverbial "catch 22". A lot of times I have been taken and on several occasions is due to a point where my job is at jeopardy because I pushed their pathetic lies and once these low-life drug eaters invaded our ER's. When i just shut up, shake my head and pray just as one overdose.

11: 12 PM

Waiting Room intercom is ringing off the wall. "... how long will i....... can you tell everyone where I am on the list...... Donde esta su Skin doctor....... I can't find individual child........ the dingo had my baby..... PINCHE PEDEJO, I BEEN HEER FER ARRANGED OF DAYS AND MY ASS FEELS LIKE SOMEONE POURED SALSA ON MY.......... click.

Midnight out-of-doors of good (for nothings) with the exceptional evil (doers)-

After a dash of non emergent triages, (sore toe, "the shakes", anal abscess, free radicals in the nose, ears and stomach in regards to a 2 year old, blah blah, blah) I call in an astute, well dressed, middle aged white holy moly, who is walking plenty gingerly and refusing to sit down. Differential diagnoses race in accordance with my head, back destruction, abdominal pain, rectal abscess,. perhaps you have.... no!.... NO!...... NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yes!

The story goes (and this is actually the common one) that he when the Mrs. were "experimenting" in bed (against his wishes, no doubt) when a vibrator was jammed in their keester and is now painfully out of reach. Given the nature with all the self-proclaimed "injury" he is whisked towards a private room, put into his side, lubed up just as one 57 Chevy, and a valiant effort is made to retrieve the 12 " "perpetrator with ribs" back and forth from his large bowel. All to no avail. At one point i saw it a hold of an immense foreign body (actually, it was made via US) but the colon wouldn't get over with it's new found cylindrical friend. We tugged, bent, yanked, pulled, all intention proving futile. Finally the physician stopped, exhausted from your company needs tug-o-war match, with since i forceps, commonly used nicely removed big headed child, protruding from the well liked lawyers butt, he chose call in the operative team. All efforts of staying professional, however, fell combined with wayside when, during a moment of silence, a low buzz was detected in the room. Had the blood dominance cuff inflated? Were a new incandescent lights buzzing? Was the tv on?

No, no and no. We looked at small forceps and noticed when they have vibrating uncontrollably, instantly realizing at that point that this thing was still being ON. A mad rush using a scant crew to the exit door to your personal private room was attempted as to not embarrass this local professional the boisterous laughter. No slice.

We will all eventually become written up and apologies devised for our "unprofessionalism and disregard while the patient's privacy and mental well being".
That's all right. We needed that to hold on to our own mental health and fitness. Still proving that laughter is still the best medicine.

1: 02 AM

Ten triages later and its dinner time for your mentally worn crew. I will retrieve our food, locate it to the middle of the nursing station in which we eat. Not all on the other hand, mind you but usually a bite at a time. Eat a French play havoc, go wipe an bum in ER-1, a bite of a big Mac, go clean trending up cherry cool-aid flavored be violently ill in ER-4, a take up of Dr Pepper, after which it physically restrain a severe Scitzo-effective patient. By 3: 15 we have executed the last bite to some other hardened burger, ate our last lifeless French fry and sucked over the last gulp of our own watered-down soda. A soda is that often now as warm such as fresh urine and food that is as cold as Mrs. Mullins seeing that ER13.

2: 30 AM-

Ahhh, my favorite time through the entire shift is upon all of us. The "Last Call elizabeth local bar crowd" (LCLBC) start to pour in to the front entrance, while EMS brings the ones who got the shit kicked of the them through the gazebos ambulance entrance. "Santa Rosa, here is unit 842.... we are coming code 2 trauma if you do a 19 year old guy's..... closed head injury.... intoxicated... combative.... soiled.... bloody..... certainly no insurance..... blah, blah, blah.

The same ole music and dance spews against this patients bloodied spout while he is wheeled into Trauma-2...... "I was just minding my own business"...... "I at just had two beers"..... "I don't do drugs"..... "Can I get treats? " "RAALLLLLLPHHH! " "Housekeeping to give ER Trauma-2, Housekeeping.... "

2: 31 AM-

"Dear Lord, If It's simple to make time travel plausible to now, it's you, God. " "Pleeeese, send me forward to 7 AM.

3: 03 AM-

Patient waiting room intercom perform screaming........... "CLICK"....... "BANG, BANG, BANG".

3: 15 AM-

I am ushered with the staff break room for some people "time out" and reminded within the night supervisor that the cost of the intercom will be deducted from your paycheck.

4: 18 AM-

Our portly female beast in regards to a woman is finally ushered to a room but not really before mumbling under your girlfriend breath as she paint brushes past me, "Pendejo"! Large "abdominal work-up" is decided to buy. 40 lab tests, pee tests, stool cultures, abdominal x-rays, Cat Scans, blah, blah, blah...... She's done in a gown that is like curtains stolen from the grand Ole Opry, and given the reminder "Opening for your back, please, " tossed in for good measure. ("Lord, give me the strength to........... Oh forget it, never mind")

She's given a proper URINE cup as she bounces her manner of the bathroom. She connect it with STOOL. "Housekeeping in finding ER, STAT. "

Can't find a demand cuff large enough so we must take a chance at an erroneous reading by entrance around her calf , forearm. The hydraulic bed grunts and groans with ever twitch and shift against this woman of substances. She continues to bitch and moan and definately will file a complaint with (in) recruiting, I am sure. Multiple attempts at 4 access finally yields a vein that hasn't been choked off by the size and style of arm fat and the majority IV fluids are started. After a quick assessment by way of ER physician she is off to radiology, with a little 120 lb tech pushing 600 lb of patient and bed in direction of the 3rd floor for a number of $3000. 00 radiologic assessments. X-rays that were done just yesterday and that she is without intention or means have an. It would have so much easier (and cheaper) had lindsay driven to Sea Marketplace instead. Certainly more accommodating for a woman of her stature.

5: 57 AM-

Multiple early morning stragglers are triaged and given wait. The foul cigarette of urine, poop, BO, booze, vomit, etc, permeates the air. "One Hour Left", I figured. We get all caused by the voluptuous Ms. Hinojosa's tests back and surprise, surprise.... "Diverticulitis. " Perhaps this time she's compliant with her pharmaceutical, compliant with her dietplan, compliant with her followup, compliant with life. "Fat guess, "I thought. (Pun intended).

Her IV is removed and a half gallon of fat globules ooze from them harpoon hole. She is hoisted off the bed by adding several departments within a medical facility; half of who will get in touch with sick tomorrow with necessary back spasms. The battered stretcher which now resembles a low-rider after a major accident is towed to backwards for repair. Ms Hinojosa is discharged while not before requesting a snack tray. Request denied.

Off she goes to the local "Taco Cabana" for some people flurry of assorted breakfast tacos and maybe a bowl of menudo. "She you in a few days, Ms Hinojosa. "

"Pinche Pendejo! "

6: 47 AM-

The dismal faces by morning crew are evident since these reluctantly make there simply by, some still in mid-prayer, more recent nurses with walkman's thanks to, listening to ocean glance or cricket noises soaked with Muzac. A quick report emerges to the mentally tired night crew and apologies to suit the missing bed in ER 3 and many dead body in ER-12.

7: 07 AM-

Each member of the night crew, each by a phone in hand, are awaiting whenever the clock strikes 7: 08 where, with lightning be quick, a flurry of buttons as is punched to clock out, ending another horrendous but typical night at first ER.

7: 47 AM-

I chin up to my apartment and sit quietly i do think truck. I recall the night's events and question whether I had made by critical errors in routine service or judgment. I mentally prepare for the answers to the complaints made the night before by this amazing ER culture of not experienced, non-compliant, abusive, poor, helpless, drugged-up, psychotic, dregs regarding society.

I say the prayer for Mrs. Mullins and her friends and curse all those with abused the system in the last 12 hours, spending thousands upon thousands of dollars of other people's money but contributing not society what-so-ever. Once I deem that I incorporates a job come 6: 45 that evening, I ease my exhausted body and shattered mind far from my vehicle, meander all around my apartment and entering bed, hungry, frustrated, agitated. Where I will showdown the demons for an hour or two until I am able to nap. I don't. I am woken with a dream whereby the ER workers are all patients in the waiting room big butter jesus started busy night. I am called for a back where a 500-lb young women nurse is ripping my clothes served by one hand and diving a 6 foot rectal scope in the other like a pair of numchucks in a Bruce Shelter movie. The alarm clock sounds and that i immediately spring up and now have my ass, praying some sort of 6-foot proctoscope isn't dangling precariously than it. It's not. I breathe a sigh of relief and create my way to or perhaps a shower and into another fateful nights chaos and mayhem.

6: 43 PM-

I pull towards ER, park my lorry and sit. I attach on my name marker, giggle as I read through our "Mission statement" tattooed using a back. "To extend a new healing ministry of Christ, " it reads, and i take a minute into ponder that statement. I WILL smile, acknowledge it's powerful and profound meaning and bow my arrive at pray.
"Lord, today, give me your divine power to just accept my responsibilities within however , this ministry. I pray along the lines of... "

Just then a pummelled delta 88 rolls won't on two wheels, with a definite lean separate. I watch as it only takes up two parking spaces from inside the "staff" lot and of all pops Ms Hinojosa. I WILL cringe. She leaves a strategy of urped-up fajita and menudo during the night patient parking lot, for the physicians parking area, as to the ER entrance. Anger churns in me and I hang excellent head, looking down at my badge and the mission statement using a back. I try desperately to find the peace and pride I got just 2 minutes earlier and that i resume my prayer...... "Lord,.... I just....... If you could only find it in your heart generate............ OH FORGET IT!!!!!....... NEVER MIND. "

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